Gauri’s Thoughts

As the mother of a 3 yr old, I have been frantically running around in both real and virtual worlds to gather information about the prospective schools. In discussion with other parents , I noticed the following aspects , on which the parents grade a school. The first few are some common ones which sound sane and could be the primary criteria, then comes the funny ones( at least as far as I am concerned)

• Brand name and Legacy : Easily the first and foremost factor as ‘So many of them can’t be wrong right ?’
• Board /Syllabus/Mode of Teaching : Most of the parents prefer ICSE in the smaller classes as we believe this helps kids get their basics right. Some prefer CBSE as we believe this helps kids prepare for the All India Entrance Examinations.  Now there are more parents who prefer the Montessori mode of teaching, but for this you have to plan earlier in most of the places.i.e when the kid is around 2 years.
• Infrastructure available : A playground, basket ball court, library, labs, Auditorium and food courts are a must obviously and we would be happier if there are heated swimming pools, tennis court, A/C class rooms , Gym and Branded sports wear and what not !
• Distance : As far as most of the parents are concerned, distance is a very important criteria. The less, the Better !
• Extra curricular activities : Most of the parents don’t want the schools who focus only on academic activities, but also on rest of the stuff like music, dance, sports and all the other obvious activities and we would give three or more cheers if it includes swimming, fencing, gymnastics, abacus, Yoga, Cookery, Karate and whatever possible. A school is not just a school, it’s an all-inclusive package !
• Fee : I have personally met so many of us who think ‘The more the better’ though I also know some who are not willing to spend a bomb on the kids schooling. So all said and done, Fee is a mission critical factor for most of us. (In the term Fee I club all the money involved in the process – Admission Fee, Building Fund, Misc Expenses, Transportation charge etc etc)
• Number of working days : There are schools which claim that they are open for more number of days than others thus making it more Cost Effective..;) I was shocked when i heard this from a parent.  I would feel guilty if I send my kid to the school 365 days a year just because I have paid through the roof for it.
• Traditional/Culturally Oriented : I have seen many schools advertising this and many parents proudly mentioning this aspect. From a detailed discussion with couple of parents, what I have understood is that the kids are taught shlokas and they are taught how to celebrate Indian (read HINDU) festivals along with elaborate rituals . My co-worker recently mentioned how Varamahalakshmi Vrata was celebrated in his daughters school with all pomp and glory and the kid was sent back to ask why this festival is not celebrated at home as it brings in money ! Any ways he is planning to take her out of the school by next year..;)

Have I missed something? Could have ……….Anyways my checklist is ready and I am back into School hunting !

Wish us luck.

And now, on what basis do the school selects the kids, no PARENTS is the fodder for another post which will come up soon.

Despite all the apprehensions, I would say it was fun watching the movie in Trivandrum. The balcony was full the opening weekend- mostly Mallus who probably wanted to watch the Hindi version of the movie they have grown up with..

Anyways even Priyadarshan couldnot hamper the pride we Mallus feel in our hearts for Manichitrathaazhu. The original still holds its glorious position among all the re-makes till date….!!!!

And this is what my bro felt after watching the movie :

Watching Bhool Bhulaiyya in Kerala

A collage of couple of pics taken by S at Lalbagh flower show…..

Yesterday afternoon I was walking through M.G.Road here in Bangalore when I saw this very pretty earring with the roadside vendor. It was just after a short rain, so he was just opening his ware.And I heard a snatch of his conversation with a cop which went something like this ( ofcourse in Kannada ):

“No sir, I am exempted from paying this whole month as I have lent my mobile to XYZ-sir for a week “

Probably I should contact Airtel with the story and get a sum…they can beautify it with a Rehman jiggle…whatya say?

“Arabikatha”..A shining little star in the otherwise dull horizon of Malayalam movie world is directed by Lal Jose and has one of the best actors Indian movies have seen- Srinivasan ! I have always been a fan of this great man who always seems to cash on his dark complexion and heightlessness. I will have to do a separate entry about his scripts that always manage to guarantee a runaway HIT and a great movie.

The movie revolves around a true and good hearted communist ( played by who else other than great Srini) with blind faith in Communism and party that he is willing to question even his father’s integrity provided the party says so and how he becomes a scapegoat in a political drama and finally how he triumphs over the evil. Sounds more like a Suresh Gopi flick is it ? Theme might be the same, but the way the story is portrayed is completely different- hero is a common man , leads a common life and faces all problems a benign man could face in today’s wicked world.

I also liked the way in which the Director reminded us that we who always demand our RIGHTS tend to forget our DUTIES. This seems to be especially true in Kerala, where we seem to be very conscious of our Rights , but seem to bat a blind eye towards our Duties.

As the title goes, the story also unfolds some ugly aspects of the otherwise magnificent Arabian ( Gulf) fable .

In short, the movie is definitely worth a watch!!!

I am glad Taj made it to the list….does that make me sound a bit less cool? I really dont mind

Its a personal choice for me as it is the first among the only two monuments I have seen in the whole list. I saw it when I was less pretentious( ) and I had fell in love with it at the first sight. I had wondered whether it would really be worth it after the dirty Agra gullies and even a dirtier Fatehpur Sikri (as some fair was going on at Sheikh Salim Chisti’s tomb when we visited) and I was too young to have caught up with the “Being there done that” notion. But all the scepticism got blown with the wind when i first set my eyes on it…I had tears in my eyes.

It could be the beauty of the monument along with the story behind it ( which I had fallen for…thanks to my age!) . Any ways, I am happy I saw it then…today, after 7 years, I think i wouldnot have felt the same.

With regards to the voting I did, I confess I was not fair. For rest of the monuments, I voted for the grandeur and the age . But for the two I had seen ( that includes The Statue of Liberty as well which I have seen numerous times) , it was a personal choice( and I am sad the Lady didnot make it to the list ). To be honest, I have not seen a single pic or replica that has done justice to both of them. I am sure it is same for all monuments. I know its just not fair, but still…….

Wah Taj !!!!!

I know the title is a cheap trick to attract more “clicks”….but I am not ashamed! Anyway, that is not what I intend to write about…

As per the 1991 census data (that is the one I could find on net), sex ratio in Kerala is 1036:1000, India’s average is 927:1000. I remember discussing this with couple of non-Mallu friends and that is when I mentioned to them that in Kerala, most of the castes used to follow( except for Brahmins and lower classes) matriarchal system. My friends were shocked when I told them that I belong to my mother’s family and not my father’s family. So bearing a son to maintain the race doesnot hold good in Kerala, instead a daughter is the link between present and future . They were taken back and decided to treat me like an aboriginal when I added that till couple of generations back (to be exact even in my Grandmother’s time), women stayed in their own houses after marriage and could marry multiple times. Even today in our marriage ceremonies, uncle (mother’s brother) has an important role to play- a remnant of the old times. And regarding property sharing, only women and her offspring used to have the right to property, with the sons appointed as care-takers. In 1970’s, where property sharing started becoming more prominent due to nuclear family systems, the property used to be split equally among daughters, their children and sons with a son getting same share as a grandchild(daughter’s daughter), while son’s daughter would not get a share from her father’s house. Probably, the reason why Nairs in North-Kerala (Valluvanad region) still do not follow practice of dowry. And regarding death ceremonies, there was a time when nephews used to do the death rituals for their uncles and not for their father. Now this custom has changed, but in the past this was the popular norm. So the need for a son was practically non-existent, which probably gave Kerala the best sex-ratio in India.

Sounds like a perfect solution to all the domestic gender issues?May be…….. May be not!!!

Here is an interesting excerpt from my dad’s family (Cherkil) history:

The two sisters Kunchi and Chumma(1804-unkown) were the foundation stones for the prosperity and name of the Cherkil family ( An Interesting point here is that Nairs in Kerala follow the Matriarchal system which means that the child belongs to the mother’s family and girls are the links for  continuing the family lineage. So in all the family diagrams the lineage of the daughters is only depicted and the names bold and starred are daughters). 

Of the two sisters, Kunchi was smarter and was a great enthusiast. Her physical strength and hard working nature could put men to shame. But that never meant that she was less feminine- she was a great follower of fashion (think of it, it was 18^th century then!!!). Her different varieties of clothes and jewels used to be a cause of envy and surprise for the neighbors. It seems that she had a carved wooden necklace laced with gold and a golden flower as the pendant (Designer Jewellery?).  

A small note on the family structure in those times. In those times, a Nair lady could have more than one husband. An alliance coming for a married lady was very common in those times and socially accepted. A lady who has had many husbands was placed at a higher level in the society than one with a single husband. The reason being a married lady would get a second alliance only if she had two main qualifications- beauty and scrupulous living. And she could choose to live or not with the second man. Thus was the freedom of Nair women in those times. 

Another surprising thing is that even now among Ambalavasi castes (Castes like Warriers who are associated with temple maintenance activities), children do not go through mourning practices when father dies (i.e. no children have no pula relation with their father), the practice could be dated back to this era because pin-pointing of father for a kid was difficult due to this polyandry system. 

During those times, ladies used to wear only once piece of cloth (Mundu) and while going out they used to wear a second mundu as well. Umbrellas (made of silk) were considered as status symbol in those times.

Who doesnt want to be popular ?..for the first time, I dont. Then,

* I would have to throw away the beautiful mask of Durga Ma on my bedroom wall.
* I might have to change the place of Ganesha on my bedside table( C’mon how can a sacred idol be near ur bed?)
* And what about that Ganesha T-shirt which I bought from Pondicherry? ( How did Rahul Roy get away with it?)

And I shall tell u a big secret…Dont let it out !They may get me even though I am not a celebrity !( But yeah they may burn my effigy and make me popular) When I was smaller, while standing in front of temple and waiting for aarthi to begin, I used to lip-sing filmy songs (or whatever songs that came to my mind )when I see all others chanting. It was just a ploy to be in synch with the crowd. Did I tell you that I grew up in “Choli ke peeche ” era?

Blaphesmy is it? I dont think so !

For those who think I might be an atheist, No I am not. I firmly believe in God and this belief is the basis of my life. But what I dont believe in is the pretence associated with it.

My little bro, J got an offer from SIEMENS today……you might ask me what is so great about that? Everybody seems to be getting a job these days….

But to me, it seems so magnificent ! To me ,the fact that he got it while in his college, after attending the first interview in his life and competing with close to 2000 other candidates all over Kerala is a matter of great pride…

I have always been put off by the Mommy blogs which have multiple posts about their tiny babies smiling , teething and even sleeping. But now I bet, I would be a similar Mommy blogger when I have my little one….

Trust me, I just want to shout it over the cubicles and talk about it to everyone, even to my Chinese clients. As that would solicit unwanted comments,  opted the safe way of putting it on my blog as well as calling all the numbers in my personal phone book….

PS: Even I had got placed while in campus and it was really obvious that he will also get placed, but the actual fact just lifted me into euphoria….

PPS : J, you owe me one for this…:) He would be really surprised by this post as he would have never encountered this “Other side” of me even though he has always brought us many moments of pride before.. Now that I think of it, is it my age which is playing a trick?

Just six months after my marriage, when I got a job offer from a company which had “Work at Home” option,  I literally jumped at it.  And I  started living happily ever after….Working in pyjamas, watching telly at one while having your lunch, evening visits to coffee parlors and visits to office just 2 days a week.  “Ever after” lasted  a month and  then the thunder struck and it  struck really  hard. In the form of my Japanese client…

 One dayI woke up to the ringing of my phone….There was “Very Upset-san” on the phone very very upset about the un-delivered Blueprint . After half-an-hour of deliberation, fortunately or unfortunately the only person left sulking was S who was upset about his long lost  sleep..I could hear my clock beeping four when I finally went to sleep again.

That was how the nightmare started….The regular comments from office about why Gauri should be taking all the latenight conf-calls and why Gauri should be reviewing all the crazy docs as somebody has to drive all the way back Home( Read “Firangi Paani”) ……….. After all, she works from home, Right? Also comments from home about why Gauri should be cooking dinner daily and why Gauri shouldnot mind even if she doesnot have a maid - After all she is at home the whole day, Right?

After a year, I had enough of my dawn to midnight schedule and more importantly sick of the sky level expectations from all sides.

  Unexpectedly, I got an offer from another company. In the final round of HR interview, they rather proudly mentioned the ”Work from Home” option and  might have been shocked to see the passion with which I refused.

A week back I joined my new job. I travel 45 minutes to an hour daily and crib about the  traffic in Bangalore.  But yes, I feel like my older self !

PS: It would be a lie if I say that the above was the sole reason behind me shifting the job, there was indeed a profile change, better brand and a pay hike attached…….:)